-
Thou shalt have no other God except
thyself; after all, it's thy self-esteem that counts. If thou doth not
love thyself, who will?
-
Thou shalt not make any graven
image out of any substances which cannot be recycled.
-
Thou shalt not take the name of
liberals in criticism, including feminists, racial minorities, or any
person who thinks he is a victim of America.
-
Remember the anniversaries of Roe
vs Wade and Anita Hill's testimony before the Senate Judiciary
Committee, and keep them holy.
-
Honor thy mother. If she is
dysfunctional, it is thy father's fault.
-
Thou shalt not kill. With these
exceptions: life forms under the second trimester, and those opting
for medically assisted suicides.
-
Thou shalt not commit adultery.
Unless thou aspires to high political office, uses a condom, or cannot
help it.
-
Thou shalt not steal. Unless thou
art disadvantaged or upset with a jury verdict.
-
Thou shalt not bear false witness.
Unless thou art discussing the history of the 1980's, art campaigning,
or can afford good legal counsel in the event that thou art
discovered.
-
Thou shalt not covet. Unless thou
art the victim of gender-related oppression or institutional racism,
or art still angry with Reagan's tax cuts.
-
Always hide the real truth about
thyself.
-
Never admit who or what thou really
art when campaigning for office.
-
Always blame someone else for what
thou doest - even so far as to blame the entire society.
-
Thou shalt oppose all punishment -
except when conservative Republicans or religious right people
criticize thee.
