You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, a dangerous looking man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and charges. You're carrying a Smith & Wesson revolver and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?

Democrat's Answer:

Well, that's not enough information to answer the question. Does the man look poor or oppressed? What drove him to the level of desperation he feels now, driving him to FEEL that he has to take from others to make himself FEEL better? What might I have done that ever OFFENDED him? Could I apologize to him first, for ever having done something that might have ever offended him, to first see if that appeases him? Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack or make him feel VICTIMIZED? What kind of childhood did he have? Was he an underprivileged child, having less than the rest of the kids growing up, his age, had? Could we have created some PROGRAM that would have made him FEEL; more included as a member of society, so that he would not FEEL as though this is his only answer?

Could we run away? What does my wife think? What do the Muslims think? What does the WORLD COMMUNITY think? What about the kids? Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand? Could I just CARRY the gun without any bullets, and just show it to him, so that he would know that I have one, but not subject my family to the circumstances involved in really carrying a LOADED weapon? Could I just TELL him that I have a gun, and hope that he understands, and changes his mind? What does the law say about this situation? Does the pistol have an appropriate safety built into it? Why am I carrying a loaded gun in the first place, and what kind of message does this send to society and my children and the Muslim community?

Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me? Does he definitely want to kill me or would he just be content to wound me? If he were to kill just me, or just one of my children, would tha! t be eno ugh to make him FEEL better? If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me to death? This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends and the World Community for a few years to try to come up with a PROGRAM to deal with these issues. Maybe we need to consult the Australians, about how well their NO GUNS policy has helped to keep the guns out of the hands of their criminals, who we all know followed their law, that required them to turn in all of their guns? I know...

Let's talk to Mr. and Mrs. Brady, to see what they think we could do. After all, Mr. Brady is doing better since he took the bullet for President Reagan, and I know he FEELS better now that his assailant, John Hinkley, is going to be able to have unsupervised, overnight visits with his family now.

This must make Mr. Hinkley FEEL better now, and MUCH less of a VICTIM. Maybe Mrs. Brady has some good ideas. After all, her husband isn't a COMPLETE vegetable. I know, let's just follow her lead, and outlaw ALL guns...

INCLUDING those carried by the Police (and the Secret Service), because after all, they only make the downtrodden FEEL more UNCOMFORTABLE and victimized by knowing we have them to protect ourselves. Yea. That's it.

The Brits and the Australians have it. Just completely do away with all weapons. That way, when the man with the huge knife (or whatever) comes around the corner, with me and my family in his sights, he won't feel so much like a VICTIM that he feels he has to raise his knife and rob (and/or kill) me and my family. Better yet, he won't be carrying the knife now, because he knows that all weapons have been outlawed, and he doesn't want to break the law. And now, he will KNOW that I don't have a weapon, and he will be far more understanding now that I am TOTALLY defenseless, and he will just use his better judgment, and come to the decision that it just wouldn't be right to rob! or kill an unarmed citizen and his family, and will just choose to pass us on by. Yea... that's it.

Republican's Answer:

BANG!

Texan's Answer:

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!... click click click