Dear Civilians:

We know that the current state of affairs in our great nation has many civilians up in arms and excited to join the military. For those of you who can't join, you can still lend a hand. Here are a few of the areas with which we would like your assistance:

1) The next time you see an adult talking during the playing of the National anthem . . . kick his ass.

2) When you witness firsthand someone burning the American Flag (or any flag for that matter) in protest . . . kick his ass.

3) Regardless of the rank they held while they served, pay the highest amount of respect to all veterans. If you see anyone doing otherwise, quietly pull him aside and explain how these Veterans fought for the very freedom he basks in every second. Enlighten him on the many sacrifices these Veterans made to make this Nation great. Then hold him down while the Veteran kicks his ass.

4) If you are not in the military, DO NOT pretend that you are. Wearing battle dress uniforms (BDU's), telling others that you used to be "Special Forces," and collecting GI Joe memorabilia might have been okay if you were still seven, but now it will only get your ass kicked. (Veterans are exempt from this rule).

5) If you witness someone calling an enlisted Marine "Sir," stand back. a Marine will kick his ass.

6) Next time you come across an Air Force member, do not ask him "Do you fly a jet?" Not everyone in the Air Force is a pilot. Such ignorance deserves an ass kicking. (Children are exempt.)

7) Roseanne Barr's singing of the National Anthem was not a blooper . .it was a disgrace and disrespectful. Laugh, and sooner or later your ass will be kicked.

8) Next time Old Glory prances by during a parade, get on your damn feet and pay homage to her by taking off your friggin' hat, placing your hand over your heart and quietly thanking the military member or veteran lucky enough to be carrying her . . . of course, failure to do any of these will earn you a severe ass kicking.

9) "Your Mama wears combat boots" never made sense to me . . . stop saying it! If she did, she would most likely kick your ass!

10) Bin Laden and the Taliban are not communists, so stop saying "Let's go kill those Commies!!!" And stop asking us where he is!!!! Crystal balls are not standard issue in the military. That reminds me . . .if you see anyone calling those damn psychic phone numbers; let me know, so I can go kick their ass.

11) Last but not least, whether or not you become a member of the military, support our troops and their families. Every Thanksgiving and Christmas that you enjoy with family and friends, please remember that there are, literally, thousands of troops overseas wishing they could be with their families. Thank God for our military members and the sacrifices they make every day. Without them, our country would get its ass kicked.