"Going to war without France is like going duck hunting without your accordion."- Donald Rumsfeld, U.S. Secretary of Defense

"As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure." Jacques Chirac, President of France; "As far as France is concerned, you're right." -Rush Limbaugh

"They've taken their own precautions against al-Qa'ida. To prepare for an attack, each Frenchman is urged to keep duct tape, a white flag, and a three-day supply of mistresses in the house." - Argus Hamilton

"Somebody was telling me about the French Army rifle that was being advertised on eBay the other day -- the description was, 'Never shot. Dropped once.'" -Rep. Roy Blount(MO)

"The French will only agree to go to war when we've proven we've found truffles in Iraq." -Dennis Miller

"What do you expect from a culture and a nation that exerted more of its national will fighting against DisneyWorld and Big Macs than the Nazis?"- Dennis Miller

"Raise your right hand if you like the French ... raise both hands if you are French." - Conan O'Brien

"You know why the French don't want to bomb Saddam Hussein? Because he hates Americans, he loves mistresses and wears a beret. He is French, people." -Conan O'Brien

"I don't know why people are surprised the French don't want to help us get Saddam out of Iraq. After all, France wouldn't help us get the Germans out of France." - Jay Leno

QUESTION: "What did the mayor of Paris say to the German Army as they entered the city in WWII?"
ANSWER:  "Table for 100,000 m'sieur"? - Jay Leno

"The last time the French asked for 'more proof', it came marching into Paris under a German flag." - David Letterman

"Do you know how many Frenchmen it takes to defend Paris? It's not known, it's never been tried." - Rep. Roy Blount(MO)

"Do you know it only took Germany three days to invade France in WWII? And that's because it was raining." - John Xereas, Manager, DC Improv.