LIVING WILL

Subject: Fw: Living Will

I, _________________________  (fill in the blank), being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept  alive indefinitely by artificial means.

Under no circumstances should my  fate be put in the hands of peckerwood politicians who couldn't pass  ninth-grade biology if their lives depended on it.

If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to sit up and ask  for a cold beer, it should be presumed that I won't ever get  better.  When such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct  my spouse, children and
attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the  tubes and call it a day. 

Under no circumstances shall the members of the  Legislature enact a special law to keep me on life-support machinery. It is  my wish that these boneheads mind their own damn business, and pay attention  instead to the health, education and future of the millions of Americans who  aren't in a permanent coma.

Under no circumstances shall any  politicians butt into this case.  I don't care how many fundamentalist  votes they're trying to scrounge for their run for the presidency in 2008, it  is my wish that they play politics with
someone else's life and leave me  alone to die in peace.  I couldn't care less if a hundred religious  zealots send e-mails to legislators in which they pretend to care about me. I  don't know these people, and I certainly
haven't authorized them to  preach and crusade on my behalf. They should mind their own damn business,  too.

If any of my family goes against my wishes and turns my case into  a political cause, I hereby promise to come back from the grave and make  his or her existence a living  hell.

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Signature
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Witness

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