( A scene at City Hall in San Francisco )

"I need to apply for a marriage license"
"Who are you marrying"?
"My German Shepard, Amy"
"You can't marry your dog...."
"Why not, I love her, and she loves me".
"My employer won't cover her with my existing insurance because they
will only insure spouses, not pets"
"I don't think it is legal to marry you and your dog"
"Sir, has the Supreme Court made a specific law prohibiting a loving
couple from getting married no matter what their race, gender, religion,
or species?"
"(sigh) Amy...Do you take Bob...........Next..."

"Good morning. We want to apply for a marriage license."
"Names?"
"Tim and Jim Jones."
" Are you related? I see a resemblance."
"Yes, we're brothers."
"Brothers? You can't get married."
"Why not? Aren't you giving marriage licenses to same gender couples?"
"Yes, thousands. But we haven't had any siblings. That's incest!"
"Incest?" No, we are not gay."
"Not gay? Then why do you want to get married?"
"For the financial benefits, of course. And we do love each other.
Besides, we don't have any other prospects."
"But we're issuing marriage licenses to gay and lesbian couples who've
been denied equal protection under the law. If you are not gay, you can get married to a woman."
"Wait a minute. A gay man has the same right to marry a woman as I have.
But just because I'm straight doesn't mean I want to marry a woman. I
want to marry Jim."
"And I want to marry Tim, Are you going to discriminate against us just
because we are not gay?"
"All right, all right. I'll give you your license. Next."

"Hi. We are here to get married."
"Names?"
"John Smith, Jane James, Robert Green, and June Johnson."
"Who wants to marry whom?"
"We all want to marry each other."
"But there are four of you!"
"That's right. You see, we're all bisexual. I love Jane and Robert,
Jane loves me and June, June loves Robert and Jane, and Robert loves
June and me.
All of us getting married together is the only way that we can express
our sexual preferences in a marital relationship."
"But we've only been granting licenses to gay and lesbian couples."
"So you're discriminating against bisexuals!"
"No, it's just that, well, the traditional idea of marriage is that
it's just for couples."
"Since when are you standing on tradition?"
"Well, I mean, you have to draw the line somewhere."
"Who says? There's no logical reason to limit marriage to couples. The
more the better. Besides, we demand our rights! The mayor says the
constitution guarantees equal protection under the law. Give us a
marriage license!"
"All right, all right! Next..."

"Hello, I'd like a marriage license."
"In what names?"
"David Deets."
"And the other man?"
"That's all. I want to marry myself."
"Marry yourself? What do you mean?"
"Well, my psychiatrist says I have a dual personality, so I want to
marry the two together. Maybe I can file a joint income-tax return."
"That does it! I quit!! You people are making a mockery of marriage!!  Next..."

"Hello, I am Joe Smythe and I want to marry this rock."
"You can't marry a rock."
"But I can get along with the rock and it won't talk back."
"It doesn't eat, it doesn't wear cloths, it doesn't smell bad."
"It is perfect mate and cheap and it could save me a bundle
and would never call 911 and report me for raising my voice."

"Just beam me back a hundred years please!"